- The union of two people, to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.


So if marriage is a vow, a promise to be together until death, is it any different than saying to someone, and truly meaning it, that you want to be with them forever?
I, personally, don't think so.
I'm not saying that I want to get married right now. But why make such a huge deal out of something that is exactly the same as what you already feel?

I thought marriage was meant to be a ceremony, a party where two people speak in front of everyone that mattered to them, about how much they do love each other, and how seriously they do take their relationship, and want to be binded for life.

The sad thing is, that making such a big deal out of it, has hurt me. I don't know if anyone else would agree with me, or maybe I'm being stupid and selfish (which I have actually considered and thought deeply about), but it hurts. I can easily say I love this person more than life itself, and things just wouldn't be the same, or even close to how good they are now, if they weren't around. And I can easily say that marriage is a beautiful thing where two people can say in front of everyone they care about, just how great life is with each other. So yes, it hurts, that it is just so out of the question, so absolutely horrendous to thing right now about getting married. I never said that I wanted to get married right now, but age, and time, have never mattered in love. If you truly love someone, and believe you could be with them for the rest of your life and are willing to make sacrafices and promises and compromises for the person you love, then why should the talk of marriage end so badly. And end up making one person feel like a complete idiot for bringing it up.

And worse, where does it leave them? How is someone supposed to take just a blatant insult and just get over it? It's not that I want to get married right now, because I never said that, never even implied it. It's that all I needed or wanted to hear was, yes Kitta, one day I would love to marry you etc. But no, what I got WAS that, but also a lot more which I didn't intend to be said by the other party. So now I am hurt, maybe even a little heartbroken that the thought of getting married to me is so awful that there has to be a fight about it.

So while my heart is just kind of hanging in there. I'm wondering what now. I'm so very tired, and fed up. People tell me I'm worth something and I honestly start to believe I'm just as good as everyone else, and that I actually deserve to be happy, and deserve to have someone great in my life and then all of sudden everything is bullshit and I'm really not that important anyway. Maybe it's not the case, but isn't it the same - if that's the way something comes across and thats the way it makes you feel, doesn't that mean the same thing? It doesn't matter if you didn't mean to say something bad, the damage is already done. It doesn't matter how many times you say sorry or try to make it better, it still hurts. And I will get over it, but not by myself. There has to be some real effort from this other person to really show me they didn't mean to hurt me, and tell me what they REALLY meant without all these 'buts'. And just say it plain and clearly.

Fuck it.